At the young age of two, she was told that she was most adorable. She enjoyed their attention, knowing she was loved very much...not knowing that they didn't mean a single word they said. A day at a time, she noticed that among those her age, she was the most patient, possibly even the most adaptable. She'd bend all way back and touch her toes to make people happy..and she decided that regardless of how people could be, the treatment she meted out to them would be reciprocated likewise. For another's comforts, desires and unreasonable demands, she changed her life and her plans. If for nothing but to see those around her happy, she'd do it, thinking that this, for once, would make them want to make her happy.

But things were not meant to be. They didn't feel any love, only a sense of need. Need that made them want her to stay. If it was only a few such people, she'd have gracefully accepted the situation and moved on...but if just about everyone around her felt this way - a terrifying thought - she decided it must be her own self allowing people to do that to her. Keeping her shoulders square and her head above water, she started cleansing her space, those she knew and met, and even those she didn't. It was a promise and an assurance to herself that she wouldn't let that continue...and especially not return to find herself at the same spot many years hence.

'Filtering' is a pretty term. Easier said than done. It hurt. It made her cringe and cry out for help. Even so, she endured. It would've been an endearing story for many to hear. But years later, she would be surprised to find herself in much the same situation. She would see how some things don't change - not for anyone. No amount of conditioning can change people's perception of her or how they would deal with her presence. It's the same; a routine she's been through several times before.

This time around, she feels no remorse, no regret at giving the 'cleansing' another shot. She won't break, no matter what. But there will be a time when she'll change the way her life is viewed, how she feels. Only, she's cagey and mistrusting; left to deal with her own insecurities that take different forms in the middle of the night.
Perhaps, for the first time ever, she'll clip her beautiful butterfly wings and hopefully, won't cry herself to sleep every night.

So much time has passed since I logged onto Xanga that I was feeling wary of typing the password. Wasn't sure if that was right. And the only reason I've managed to cut away a few extra moments here is because of him and his travel. Am a curious buffoon, what can I say.. :p

But now that am here, I want to put down a few things that I've been meaning to write of for a few months now.

Work is going really great. I'm really having a blast. I'm travelling, eating good food, enjoying weekends off and that's just part of the great-job-package, obviously. Completely enjoying this space.

Do you have the kind of boss who forgets you're out on an assignment and that you're not online for a reason? For example, if you haven't written back to his email for an hour because you're not on your desk, does you boss send you stinker mails?
Does he forget to apologise to you when he realises that you're just out of the office to work on a story for the issue? Or that you're out because he asked you to check out what's happening at a particular event?
These bosses are essentially Schizos who forget that we're all interested in doing a good job! And enjoying it too. Despite the fact that I really enjoy my job, I've learned that some men are just going to PMS at a particular time close to production week and then, go back to being jolly men. I think it's time that bosses realise that we're not slaving it out for their pleasure, but our own.

Oh well, the time has come to do something drastic...

Read this

Edit: And this is just plain cute.

I have done a few new things this year.. A few days into this year, I'd told J that this year would be MY 'Year of Travel'.. and I made it one, and there's another eight weeks to go that am quite excitedly planning.

This year
Invested my money. And in a sister's wedding too.
Went out on a calming weekend getaway.
Tried horse riding.
Owned up to having a 'boy'.
Visited a wildlife sanctuary - saw tiger.
Rediscovered my love for goaa (my eleventh trip there, this was was two years apart from the previous holiday).
Learned the ropes of television.
Admitted to liking 'him'. (mock me, if you please)
Met the parents.
Went to Pune and partied - usually pune's a quiet time with friends. Not this one.
Got kicked out of hotel for playing Uno.
Noticed a friend's 'liking' for another.
Injured my back (and how)!
Continual physiotherapy.
Went off for a weekend getaway that disturbed me more than helped.
Met the parents.
Gifted the parents.
Said those words.
Learned how to apply kajaal.
Had a relaxing weekend getaway.
Got spa treatment.
Went skinny dipping.
Enjoyed a bubble bath and jaccuzi.
A year it's been...

The rest of the year looks like this
Paragliding / Tight rope walking.
Trip to Pondy/Andaman
If Andaman, then scuba diving and snorkelling.
Quick vacation in Kerala (integrated with a wedding)
Long wedding in Calcutta,
Followed (hopefully) by new year's eve in Shillong.